2018 was meant to be a good year! On New Year's Eve 2017, I willed 2018 to be the 'new beginning' that I felt I was due. My Dad, who I was incredibly close to had been sick in 2017 but towards the end of 2017 had been given the 'all clear'. My husband and I had been trying to have a baby and we we're ready to get stuck into IVF... We were excited!
2018 did not turn out the way that I had planned. I lost my beautiful Dad. My husband, Trevor and I are now in the middle of another IVF cycle, always hoping that this one will be the one. My mum, my best friend in the entire world has Dementia.
That's life I guess. I know that life is full of peaks and troughs for everyone and that we're in a valley at the moment but we're doing our best to climb that mountain. I keep smiling because I know that the grief will eventually ease and that life will turn at some point again. I know that... most of the time. But for the first time in my life, over the last few months I've experienced anxiety like I never have before. It's sporadic. It's occasional but it's crippling.
When it happens, I can’t see the top of the mountain. I see obstacles in my way of getting there. I see fallen trees, winding roads and fire-breathing dragons in my way!
What I've realised over the past few months, while leaning on my husband, friends, family and my amazing support network in general is that I'm not alone. When I'm in my house feeling like the world is caving in on top of me and being scared to face it, across the road, someone else is facing a similar struggle. Selfishly, for me there's a solace in that.
Over the past while, I’ve learned to be good to myself and I’ve learned how important self care is. I’ve always been a people pleaser. I’ll go to the ends of the earth to avoid letting someone down. I’ve learned that I had to draw a line. Go beyond that line and you’re letting yourself down. Take a walk. Speak to someone. Book the massage. Take ten minutes to meditate or write. Or simply take ten minutes to sit down and think about what you need. Otherwise what’s the point in it all?
Today is World Mental Health Day. It's a day to really just step outside your comfort zone, in whatever context you want. If you're struggling reach out... if you're not, reach out to someone who is. Be kind to each other because kindness is the best cure sometimes. Send someone a text or a 'just because' gift as a token of what they mean to you. Just be kind. If not a cure... kindness is most certainly a tonic. Save someone with kindness today. #worldmentalhealthday